I must apologize, but here's the sitch. (And I suck at summarizing thoughts... so read what sticks out to you most) I'm very different from most people. It's an attribute of many things combined throughout life, but I imagine being Autistic and having a strictly logical brain played the biggest role; both negatively andĀ positively. When I first started this channel, I had no different thoughts than that of youngĀ me. Bullied and all that good stuff. Playboy Mansion the video game had come out that year and likeĀ some have said they now liveĀ through me, I must have with Heff. I couldn't buy the game, because my parentsĀ lacked a performing PC having been raised by a single mother for awhile. She'sĀ worked super hard, although some contention remains about the past. There was no way my worshippingĀ parents were letting their sheltered boy buy that game. After a small battle with mom about buying items from random peopleĀ (online marketplaces were just becoming popular) I wasnt able to buy the game, but I did find someone selling a limited edition tshirt that had come out that the time. Initially my parents were not happy with the purchase and I wasnt sure I could go through wearing it. For some reason, Playboy was about girls, and Playgirl was about boys. I didnt understand what they meant by Playboy. I bought the shirt and wore it around the halls for it contained some magic: Confidence. I think now that the othersĀ were trying to poke at me when they first mentioned that I should be a Pornstar in theĀ future. My low self esteem had built such a complex, I was convinced I was ugly as a troll. I was also good at the chase, but never good at keeping them. You see, you miss a lot of myĀ weird, nerdy anticsĀ when Im flirting. But its also why I was good at flirting, because I was original and clueless. But if I couldnt keep the girls, how wasĀ I ever going to get laid? Let alone getting paid to getĀ laid. I laughed with them, Nah... no one would ever want to see me naked doing that sort of thing! and since I remember a lot, it was a very poignant moment having been a couple months into this channel,Ā and although not breaking the bank in any regards, I was mostly shocked to find no hate. I was convinced that although I hadĀ abilities from YouTube, filming amateur content and it being GOOD was aĀ whole different league. I figured yall would have bounced me straight off this block. Its why Im always appreciative among anything else. I mean, in amateur ways, Im doing exactly what I thought hadĀ once been impossible. This wasnt actually my first attempt at the adult industry. I brought to many morals to the bedroom which just created a terrible sex and love life. I didnt want to wake up someonesĀ mistake and allĀ that good stuff. Id long felt like one myself prediagnosis. I applied for Hot Guys when they first started gaining traction and all you had to do was send an email. I did it for two reasons. One; porn was a business, not about love and feelings. It was about having sex and making money. Sometimes you got paid more to do weirder or dirtier things. It removed the morality out of it for me,Ā or at the very least, the morality around being in films was at the bottom of the Mariannas Trench in comparison to actually being a player, a Playboy. The second reason I did it was because at 27, I still had mostly terrible selfesteem. A 3rdĀ year electrician, but would still be a couple years before I allowed myself to be proud of being one. Id justĀ always had a dream of study microbes and curing people of disease. If I got noticed by a company called hot guys... I had to be at least decent looking. They sent me a response and I wasnt concerned with too much. Not about the pay as much as having consensual sex that didnt end with vile hatred or awkwardness. That started to raise my selfesteem although I did stop messaging them entirely. Its because I still hadnt been diagnosed yet, I didnt know what was wrong with me, but I had studied the signature trademarks. Would I not be ableĀ to get hard under the pressure? I still had spots of acne, but they didnt mention that. What it was really about though, was these things called Meltdowns. I knew they happened, but couldnt explain them. Would I become overstimulated, as Id come to find the word was called, andĀ through a mini fit as an adult? The fits were out of frustration that I was letting everyone down but had no solutions. Fast forward to today and here we are. It could work because if I did get overstimulated, Id be disappointing far less people and reasoned some ladies ended up disappointed even when the pressure ofĀ a wasnt there. I dont really care to drag other people through the mud. I find most people just get angry and thats the last thing I remember because few stand to reason. The MILF has left the building. That will disappoint most of the people whove subscribed. But I cant grantee any realĀ content of such natureĀ anytime soon. I received a promotion recently and at the beginning ofĀ the day, I always try to decide what will be most profitable for today. Most recently its just been this channel as far as side projects go, but my job remains the most profitable. My last 2 weeks was 121 hours on the clock. So there isnt a lot of time for me to engage in regards to filming. The smallĀ size of my city doesnt help.Ā Soon Ill be relocating for work. Travelling always provides great opportunity. Regardless, to you, I have revelled in the supportĀ thus farĀ and this isnt the end by any means, just not the right time although the perfect time at the same time. I hope youll stick around for the future. What you saw was mostly my creation, she didnt tango very well.Ā What you mostly liked, should make an appearance at some point or multiple again.Ā As my position in life continues toĀ increase, having once been headed to the top with a decent to the rocks, to where Im at now. Dont take my word for it, you can do anything you set your mind to. The only limiting factorĀ anymore, is yourself. The Champ